My enthusiasm for spring has wound its way through my last few posts. They are peppered with references for my love of clear skies, new flowers, bright sunshine, warmer days, and the promising bounty of the season. Another part of spring that I am fond of is spring cleaning. Although I tend to accumulate a lot of stuff (especially books and papers), I actually do enjoy a good clearing out. Shedding the weight of possessions that keep us rooted in past worries is a rebirth that does not have to be reserved for the turn of the season. A few weeks ago I set out on a mission to throw out some old magazines and paperwork that was no longer of any use, and to make room for the magazines that I just can’t seem to stop buying.
Amidst the old university documents (I really don’t need another paper I wrote on nutrition for kidney disease, do I?), assorted recipes (safely filed away now), and screen-printed Google maps for places I now know off by heart, I found evidence of heartbreak. Evidence of malice, punishment, and depression. Documents from an oppressor. Namely, me.
I have had a long and complex relationship with food. There have been stages in my life where it was comfort, and stages where I controlled it to achieve my weight goals. There were times when I used bingeing or restriction as a punishment. As each piece of paper, each record of that time, hit the bottom of the recycling bin I felt a weight lift from my shoulders, a cloud’s shadow blow away from the sun.
Now, with spring and its spirit of new beginnings making a bright and promising start, I feel the need to share my story. Expose the stages I have been through in my quest to live in harmony with food and my body. There is a common irony that many food bloggers have had issues with food, and it is true that many of us choose to share our journey online. Now I too wish to share my story, not necessarily in the pursuit of helping other people (although that would be a nice side benefit) but rather to commit in a public space, to the final clearing out of these cobwebs that have haunted me for so long. To shed the weight not only from my body, but to finally own where I am in my journey, the peace I have achieved and the challenges that I still face with what I put on my plate.
A confession. An absolution. A commitment.
So stay with me over the next few days while I tell you a story. The journey of a girl who circled her way around loving food with some challenges on the way.
I have called it ‘The 5 Fs of my food relationship’:
- Family and food
- Full of food
- Fitness and food
- Fear of food
- Friends with food
Please, leave comments, and questions, and (if you feel comfortable) your life experiences, in the comments section below each post. Part of a thoroughly nourished life is taking the time to weed the garden in time for the new season’s growth, so here I go.